Hopefully the story below could make us learn how to be grateful for what we have:
I hate him, that’s what always whisper in my heart for most of our
time together. Though married, I never really gave my heart to
him. Married under my parents compulsion, make me hate my own husband.
Although forced marriage, I never showed my hatred attitude. Though
hated it, every day I still serve him as a duty of wife on the bed. I
had to do it all because I had no other grip. Several times i want to
leave him but I do not have the financial capability and support for
anyone. Both my parents were very fond of my husband because according
to them, my husband is a figure of perfect husband for their only
daughter.
When married, I became a wife who is very spoiled. I did everything
as I please. My husband also indulged in such a way. I never really had
my duties as a wife to take care home or him. I always depend on him
because I thought it was supposed to be after what he did to me. I have
given my life to him so that that is his duty to made me happy with
obey all my wishes
In our house, I’m the queen. No one dared to resist. If there is the
slightest problem, I always blame my husband. I do not like when he put
a wet towel on the bed, I hate to see he put the sticky spoon after
stirring the milk on the table, I hate when he uses my computer even if
only to finish the job. I was angry when he hung his clothes in my
kapstock, I was also angry when he wore a toothpaste without squeezing
it neatly, I was angry when he contacted me through many times when I’m
having fun with my friends.
At first I chose to haven’t children. Although i am not going to
work, but I do not want to have responsibility to raise
children Initially he and I support the family planning with the
contraception pills. But apparently he hid his desire so deep that one
day I forgot to take birth control pills and even though he knew he had
let it. Finally I pregnant and realized after more than four months,
the doctor reject abortion because too late.
That’s my greatest anger to him. Anger grew when I became pregnant
and had a pair of twins, i had a difficult birth. After our babies
born, I forced him to act a vasectomy so I’m not pregnant
anymore.Dutifully, he did all my wishes because I threatened to leave
him with our two children.
Time passed until the children became eight years. Like the previous
morning, I woke up last. My husband and children were waiting for me at
the dining table. As usual, it was he who provides breakfast and drive
the kids to school. That day, he reminded me that today was the
anniversary of my mother . I just replied with a nod without regard to
his words that remind about last year when same events was happen, when
I choose to go to the mall and was not present at the mother’s
party. Well, because i feel trapped by my marriage, I also hate my
parents.
Prior to the office, usually my husband just kissed me and followed
the children. But that day, he also hugged me so the kids tease him
noisily. I tried to dodge and releasing his arms. Although finally i
smile with the children. He returned several times to kiss at the door,
he look very hard to go.
When they leave, I decide to go to the salon. Spend the time to
salon is my hobby. I arrived at the salon few hours later. In the salon
I met one of my friends. We chat with each other engrossed including
exhibiting our activities. It was time I had to pay the bills salon,
but how shocked I was when I realized that my wallet left behind at
home. Although reach until the deepest into my bag, I could not find it
in the bag.Trying to remember what happened but I still could not find
my wallet I called my husband and ask.
“Sorry dear, yesterday Farhan asking me some money and I do not have
any cents so i took it from your wallet. I forgot to put it back into
your bag, if im not wrong i put on my desk. “ He explained gently.
Angrily, I scolded her harshly. I hung up without waiting him for
finish his words. Shortly thereafter, my cell phone resumes and
although still upset, I answer it with half snaps. ”What else?”
“Honey, I’m home now, I’ll grab your wallet and drove it to
you. honey, now where are you? “ my husband asked quickly, afraid I
hung up again. I mention the name of my salon and without waiting for
the answer again, I re-hung. I spoke with the cashier and said that my
husband would come to pay my bill. The owner of the salon is my friend
had in fact let me go and said I could pay for it later when I come
back again. But I dont want my other friend who still stay in the room
know about it, it made me shy to owe the bill.
Rain fell when I look out and hope my husband car coming
soon Minutes stretched into hours, I was getting impatient so started
calling my husband’s cell phone. There was no response despite repeated
call.Though usually only two times my phone rings already answered by
him. I began to feel uncomfortable and angry.
My phone was appointed after several attempts. When sound of my
yelling not come out yet, a strange voice answered my husband cell
phone I was silent for a moment before the sound of stranger introduced
himself, “Good day, mam. Are you the wife of Mr. Armandi? “ I answer
that question fast. Stranger introducing himself as a cop, he was told
that my husband had an accident and he is currently taken to the
hospital. At that moment I was silent and only answer thank you. When
the phone is closed, I crouched in puzzlement. My hands clutched the
phone in my hands and some salon employees approached me with alacrity
asked what was wrong because my face turned pale white as paper.
Somehow I ended up in hospital. Somehow also knew the whole family
was there to catch up. I’m just waiting for my husband’s with silence
in front of the emergency room. I do not know what to do because all
this was he who did everything for me. When finally after waiting
several hours, just when the maghrib prayer echoes sounded a doctor
came out and delivered the news. My husband is gone. He went not
because of the accident itself, stroke was the cause of his death. Done
heard that fact, I starting to take care my parents and my
mother-in-law who really shock There was absolutely no tears on my eyes
out. I was busy calming my father, my mother and
mother-in-law. Children who are hit with a tight hug but their grief
was not able to make me cry.
When the body of my husband was brought into the house and I sat in
front of him, I stared his face. I realize this is the only time I
really looked at his face that seemed like sleep. I approached his face
and looked at it carefully. That’s when my chest becomes congested
remembered what he’d given me for ten years together. I touched his
face gently that has been cold and I realize this is the first time I
touched his face, which had always full with a warm smile. Tears
erupted from my eyes, blurring my vision. I gasped, trying to wipe the
tears did not hinder my last look at him, I want to remember all the
part of his face so that my husband’s memories could not have ended
there. But instead of stopping, the torrential tears flooded down my
cheeks. Warnings from mosque Leader who arrange the funeral procession
are not able made me stop crying. I tried not to crying, but my chest
tightness remember what I did to him last time we talked.
I remembered how I never pay attention to his health. I almost never
set meal. Though he always manage what I eat. He noticed vitamins and
medications i should eat especially when pregnant and after
childbirth.He never missed to reminded me to eating regularly,
sometimes even fed me when I’m lazy to eat. I never knew what he was
eating because I never asked. Even I do not know what he likes and
dislikes. Almost the entire family knows that my husband is a fan of
instant noodles and strong coffee. My chest tightened to hear it,
because I know he may be forced to eat instant noodles because I almost
never cook for him.I’m just cooking for the kids and myself. I do not
care he had eaten or not when he go home. He can eat my cooking only if
any left. And he came home late at night every day because of the
office is quite far from home. I never want to respond to his request
to move closer to his office because i dont want to live far from my
friends houses
At the funeral, I could not stop myself. I fainted when I saw his
body is lost along the stockpiled soil piles.I do not know anything
until waking up in my big bed. I awoke with a sense of regret
fulfilling my chest cavity. My extended family in vain to persuade me
because they never knew why I was so hurt to lose him.
I spent the days after his departure is not freedom as long as it
wanted, but instead I was trapped in the desire to be with him. In the
early days of departure, I sat stunned staring at an empty
plate. Father, mother and mother-in-law talked me into eating. But what
I remember was when my husband talked me into eating when I dont want
to eat. When I forget to bring a towel in the shower, I yelled to call
my husband as usual and when even my mother came, I crouched down
crying in the bathroom hope he comes. My habit to call him any time
when i can not do something at home, making his friend in the office
answered my phone with confusion. Every night I waited in the bedroom
and expect the next morning I woke up next to his figure.
I was so annoyed when his snoring sleep hear sound, but now I even
woke up often longed to hear again.I was upset because he was often a
mess in our bedroom, but now I feel our bedroom was empty and hollow. I
was so upset when he does the job and left it on my laptop without log
out, now I’m staring at a computer, see one by one of the keys rubbed
his fingers hoping the former is still left there. I used to like it at
least to make coffee without placemats on the table, now the scar is
left when his last breakfast, i do not want to erase. Typical
television remote hiding, is now easily found, though I wish I could
replace his loss by losing the remote. All the stupidity that I did
because I realized that he loved me and I was hit by an arrow of love.
I’m also angry at myself, I was angry that all seem normal even
though he was not there. I was angry because her clothes are still
there to leave the smell that made me nostalgic. I am angry because
they can not stop all my sorrow. I am angry because nobody else is
persuaded me to calm down, nothing that reminds me pray even now I do
with sincerity. I pray because I want to apologize, to apologize to God
for wasting husband was awarded to me, asking forgiveness for being a
bad wife to her husband who was so perfect. Praying are able to remove
my grief a little. God’s Love showed to me with so much attention from
the family for me and the kids. My friends who i had been defending
Stand up, almost never show their noses after the departure of my
husband.
Forty days after his death, the family reminded me to rise from
adversity. There were two children waiting for me and i should raise
them alone. Back a sense of confusion came over me. During this time I
knew something always okay and never work. All done by my husband. How
much income I’ve never cared, I cared about only the amount of dollars
which he transfers into my account for personal use and wear for every
month, the money is almost never left. From the office where he works,
I get the final salary and bonus compensation. I was speechless when
saw it did not expect, it turns out the entire salary is transferred
into my account so far. Though I had never the slightest use for
household purposes. Either from where he obtained the money to meet
other household needs because I never even asked about it.All I know
now I have to work or my children would not be able to live because of
the number of final salary and bonus compensation would not be enough
to feed three of us. But where? I almost never have any experience at
all. Everything is always governed by him.
Bewilderment missed some time later. My father came with a
notary. He brings a lot of documents. Then give a letter
notarized. Husband’s affidavit that he bequeathed his entire estate to
me and the kids, he accompanied his mother in the letter but that made
me unable to say anything is the letter for me.
My Dear wife Liliana,
Sorry have to leave you first, dear. sorry to make you responsible for taking care of everything yourself. I’m sorry because I can not give you the love and affection again. God gave me the time is too short for love you and children is the best thing I ever did for you.
If I could, I wanted to accompany love forever. But I do not want you to lose my love for granted.I’ve been saving little by little to your life later. I do not want you falling hard after I am gone.There’s not much but I hope I can give you to use it to raise and educate children. Do your best for them, yes dear.
Do not cry, my spoiled love. Do a lot of things to make your life better after wasted all this time with me. I give you the freedom to realize the dreams that you do not have time for this. Forgive me if I trouble you and may God give you a better mate than me.
For Farah, my beloved daughter. Sorry because my father could not be there with you. Be a good wife like your mother and Farhan, my knight protector. Take care of mother and Farah. Do not be a naughty boy again and always remember wherever you are, my father would see you there. Okay, Buddy!
I wept reading the letter, there is a cartoon with glasses that are
typical of the tongue stuck out my husband if he sent the note.
Notary told that during this time my husband has some insurance and
savings deposits from the legacy of his biological father. My husband
made some effort from the results of such savings deposits and the
business was quite successful despite managing by those his friend
beliefs. I can only cry knowing how much he loved us, so that when
death came to him he still flooded us with love.
I never thought to marry again. The number of men who attended was
able to remove the figure is still so alive in my heart. Day after day
i just give my whole life for my children. When my parents and my
in-laws went one by one leaving me forever, none left the sadness deep
sadness like when my husband left.
Now my daughter n my son aged twenty-three years. In two days my
daughter married a boy from across the land. Our daughter asked, “Mom,
I’m going to do it later after becoming a wife, because i can not cook,
i dont know how to washing the cloth, how about it ya Mom?”
I hugged her saying “Love love, love your husband, love your choice
of your heart, love what he has and you will get everything. For love,
you will learn to please him, will learn to accept his shortcomings,
will learn that for any problem, you will finish it in the name of
love. ”
My daughter looked at me, “like your love for father? is that your love makes you are very loyal to father until now? ”
I shook my head, “no, my dear. Love your husband like your father
loves me, like your father loves you both. i am loyal to your father
because your father’s love is so great to mother and both of you. ”
I may not lucky to have time showing my love for my husband. I spent
ten years to hate him, but spent most of the rest of my life for love
him. I’m free of him because of death, but I could never free from his
sincere love.